Victim of Emotions
by shyguyunlimitd
Summary: What if time itself ceased to have meaning to you? In this story Jasper must make many different decisions. Should he stay in the life he has had though it may be miserable or should he leave the known in search for something better? Rated M for future.
1. Newborns

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**A/N I do not own any of the chararacters used from twilight i only enjoy writinging and reading about them.**

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What happens when time ceases to have meaning and you begin to realize that it has no effect on you? Sure time still passes; days go by, seasons change, and yet I remain the same as I was when I was first brought into this half-life. What would you do if you were taken from a world that you loved and fit into and dropped into one shallow and devoid of meaning? That's where I find myself now. As a vampire time means nothing; the only reason it exists is to count down to the next culling of newborns. Who could have thought something as benign and common as three young women coming into my life could have rendered something as eternal and unchanging as time itself and meaningless? Maria, Nettie, and Lucy were their names.

Maria, the one who changed me into what I am now, was a small dark haired female, clearly of Mexican descent though pale and porcelain in complexion, and could easily be mistaken as a young girl. Lucy, a vampire with snow white skin, a voice like wind chimes, and fair hair was with her. Nettie too was young enough to be called a girl and had hair more fair then Lucy's, skin just as chalky, and the face of an angel too accompanied her. Soon after my change, Nettie and Lucy turned on Maria and I was forced to destroy them.

Roughly forty years have passed since my former life ended and the torment of this one began.

My duties in this life have become a nightmare; to take these savage beings with nothing but blood lust and turn them into something worthwhile is a feat in itself. The multitudes of newborns I have trained and in turn destroyed have reached an amount that I do not see the point in even counting anymore. Sure, at first I would try to remember them their traits, their strengths and weaknesses but to then have to turn around and destroy something I fought so hard to mold is torture to my soul. Names have no meaning; who or what they were ceased to be when they were brought to me. The only reason they existed was to do the bidding of Maria.

In my former life I seemed to be able to manipulate the circumstances around me to my benefit. People trusted me when I needed them to and feared me when I wanted them to. I was told that I was charismatic, but never truly understood what they meant until now. Shortly after my change I could feel what others felt and found it difficult to handle. As I became accustomed to my new found ability I started to understand the true potential and also the burden that it gave me. I started being able to manipulate others' emotions. If one of the newborns I was training was unusually aggressive I would calm

the rage until it was to be unleashed against our foes. Before battle, I could whip them into a frenzy, bolstering their confidence and squashing any hesitation they might have. At first I found this to be a very helpful ability until it came time to purge the newborns. As I would close in on them, the amount of fear they would exude was crippling. My senses were nearly destroyed as that first culling came to an end and for the first time as a vampire I truly felt worn down. Now after these forty-some-odd years, each time I must purge the newborns the weight on me and emotional damage increased exponentially.

It had been an extremely difficult purge last time. The potential of some shined above the rest and it was a shame to see them have to be destroyed without a second thought from Maria. When the next group of newborns arrived I felt something in one of them that made me curious. I thought that after this many, nothing could interest or surprise me yet I was, none the less. As I inspected them as I always did, I perceived a feeling that caught my attention. It had been so long since I felt this emotion that it took a moment to understand fully what it was: calm. How, in this environment, could something feel calm? Normally what I felt was lust for blood, fear of unknown and sometimes complete insanity, yet from this one I felt nothing but serenity and it intrigued me.

"You," I said as I pointed at the newborn that had caught my interest. "What were you referred to as before coming here?"

"Peter," he answered, not even flinching at being singled out from the group. "And what shall I call you?"

He was asking me my name, now that I was closer to him I began to hone in on his feelings and there were others there that I had not felt from a newborn before**; **curiosity. Every moment with this newborn further perplexed me.

"Jasper," I said, still in awe over the fact that he asked me what my name was,. "Tell me Peter what is it that you are so curious about?" The curiosity was not just his but it too, was infecting me. I usually kept such tight control over my own feelings not allowing others to affect me, yet Peter was full of surprises and my defenses faltered.

"Honestly Jasper, I'm curious about you , about this new life, everything really."

He was curious about me, about his new life, and everything? What kind of curiosity is that? Yet, just the thought of someone under these conditions could even form a full thought, let alone have genuine Curiosity left me intrigued. Every moment that I spent with Peter I felt different. I thought the damage I had received since coming into this half-life was irreversible, yet for the first time in decades, due to the changes Peter was bringing in me, I began to feel hope.

Time passed more easily with Peter in my presence. His calm would be the escape from the madness that had become my existence. Also, at times, his curiosity would make me think twice about what I might do. Maybe he had an insight into a situation I did not, and therefore some tactics that I had used in the past got changed, molded, and improved just from merely thinking a little more about it. Every day with Peter was both a blessing and a curse at the same time; for I knew that with every passing day, the day on which I would have to destroy him came closer. I decided then what I must do was to persuade Maria that even after his newborn strength had started to wane that he still served

some purpose. With that in mind I set off to speak with Maria.

"Maria," I started, not knowing how my request would be received nor what the outcome of the conversation would be, "there is something that I must speak with you about."

"Yes dearest Jasper," she said in a high ringing voice,"What is it that you need?"

"Maria have I always served you well, done your bidding and fulfilled all your requests to the fullest?" As I said these words I could feel waves of apprehension spill off of her and I thought all was lost, yet I was not ready to give up so I did my best to siphon the calm that I collected from Peter and tried to press some her way.

"Yes dear." At first it seemed that my efforts were in vain yet as she continued I felt a change in her emotions. "You have been very sufficient in your duties. Why do you ask me this question? Surely you know that I am pleased with you." What was once apprehension was now a mild interest.

"I ask because I need for you to grant me one pardon to the rule of purging the newborns." As I said this I braced myself for what might come, yet to my surprise, her reaction was not at all what I had expected.

"Jasper dear, if there is something you need from me please don't hesitate to ask. Feel free to speak to me without fear of reprimand." Her reply was genuine, I could not feel one note of condescension in her.

"There is one of the newborns, goes by the name of Peter, who I think would be a tragedy to lose him. His mind is keen, his control unparalleled, and his insight into strategy has made this our most successful group of newborns yet," I said putting emphasis not on what he had and could do for me, but on the importance he could be to her maybe, she would spare him.

"Peter you say? I have noticed that you have taken a key interest in this young one. Tell me," as she started her next statement, I felt uneasy and feelings of apprehension started to creep back in so I did all I could to try and force them back out, "do you ask me to spare him because he has some kind of usefulness to you, or do you truly recommend him be saved because he is an asset to me?" My mind began to race, _could she really tell that I favor him over all the rest? __C__ould she really tell that he is more than just a newborn in training? __C__ould she really tell that I have formed some kind of bond or kinship with hi__m?_

"What I do, I do for you Maria. My only reason for existence is to be yours and build your armies, and in order to make your armies better I do believe that Peter will improve the quality of your minions." As I finished I held a calm, smooth exterior, yet inside I was more unsure of myself then I had ever been. I concentrated hard to ensure that my insecurities remained my own and I did not allow them to taint Peter's chances for survival. As soon as she began to speak I felt something in side of me something I had not felt in decades; joy.

"If you believe that our position can be strengthened by the survival of one newborn, who am I to chance it? You may allow Peter to live, but remember, if his usefulness wears thin you must do what needs to be done."

"Of coarse Maria, " I said as I left her quarters returning to my own.

Somehow, against all odds, Maria granted my request and so for now, I would not have to destroy the one being that I have felt companionship with in decades. For the first time since I was changed I was able to take a vampire and actually give him training past just the basics. I could look at his weakness's and try to improve them, I could take his strengths and try to implement them to make his attacks more successful. With Peter at my side we could better demonstrate tactics of battle and train the newborns twice as hard. His prowess in battle was only bested by me and his ability to remain calm even in the heat of battle served as a great advantage, not only to my own sanity, but also to his as well.

Peter had been with me through two purges and with each passing purge his demeanor was failing. I was beginning to doubt that he would be able to continue much longer and the purging of newborns was a requirement for our existence.

"Peter," I said with concern in my voice, "You understand that purging the newborns is a must there is no way around it?"

"I understand Jasper but, I just can't do it, the waste of it all is just to much," he said as his head fell into his hands.

"Peter if you cannot gain control of yourself" I couldn't finish. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that if he couldn't do what was required of him he too would have to be destroyed. Before I could

continue I was interrupted.

"Sir?" Came a voice from behind me from a small pale female vampire."When do we get to hunt again?" The interruption caught me so off guard that I could feel a similar emotion from both the female vampire and Peter at the same time.

"Soon, we will hunt again soon." I answered, still unsure of the emotions I had just encountered. The female retreated back to where she had been before and I again turned my attention to Peter. Peter was still exuding a small amount of the emotion they both had a moment ago, but was quickly trying to compose himself.

"Peter I have grown reliant on your presence and ability to remain calm under any circumstance. You must find a way to control it or I will be forced to do what is required of me." A soon as the words came out of my mouth, for the first time since I met Peter I felt fear emanating from him.

"Jasper I am sorry that I have failed you, but I will do what I can to prove to you that I can do what I must," he replied, voice shaking slightly.

Several months had past after the first encounter with the emotions Peter and the female had and I started to notice that he gave her more attention then the rest. At first I thought that maybe she just needed extra training then, one day, I took a closer look and she was an excellent fighter. At that moment I realized what the feelings were that I felt that day months ago. I had never felt feelings and emotions like those for so long I nearly had forgotten what they were: Adoration, infatuation, and possibly even love. Is that possible? Could something as vile and monstrous as a vampire ever feel love for something other than Blood? For roughly forty years I knew nothing but death, terror and

destruction. Now for the second time in my existence something small and seemingly inconsequential had taken what I thought was my life and flipped it upside down. If they felt love, does that mean I too may one day feel it as well? Surely not someone like me, someone who has fed on so many humans, destroyed so many lives, and raised so many newborns could do the same.

It was now time again for a purging and from the start I could tell it was going to be one of the hardest yet. Not that this group was any different from any other but I was different from the last time I had been required to complete this task. I could also tell from the emotions that were radiating from Peter that there was definitely something wrong.

"Peter," I said pulling him out of his inner thoughts,"Is there something the matter?" I asked slightly fearing the answer he would give me.

"Nothing out of the ordinary this just the hardest part of this life for me. The hunger at times can be maddening but, the senseless slaughtering of those we helped raise is just" He stopped short not finishing his thought but through his emotions, I could tell that all was not well.

I left Peter behind where we disposed of the newborns to collect himself while I collected the first pair for purging. The first two I brought in were nothing special. They were just like the rest of them strong, yetuncivilized and I had done this so many times that it wasn't even a struggle anymore. It was almost the same for Peter, for a several year old he retained his strength well and thus, the newborns were not much stronger then he was and so he was able to dispatch of them easily. The

next several pairs were brought in and disposed of in the same fashion. With every pair the burden of fear and terror compounded on my shoulders but I was used to this. What I was not used to was the pure dread that was streaming off Peter like a river runs down a mountain. I knew this was hard on him yet there was something different.

"Peter?" I began to ask him if he was able to continue but before I could I was interrupted.

"Jasper, how did you do this for so long? How can you spend a year training them and bringing them up to just turn around and destroy them before they have even yet to begin living again?"

"It's all I know, Peter," I said matter-of-factly. "I have been repeating this same cycle since before you were even born."

"But haven't you ever wished, or wanted something more, something else?" Where was this coming from? How am I to wish? What am I to wish for? How do I even know there is something more to life then what I have already experienced?

"Peter, I am a vampire and I do as Maria tells me. That is my life that is all I know and that is all I will ever know. THIS is my existence." I was surprised to see how angry that realization made me. I left him there and returned to main room to retrieve the last two newborns: an average looking male and that's when it dawned on me. This is what Peter has been dreading, this is why he thinks there is something else, something better. This female. As I walked back into the burning room I immediately felt the change in both the female's and Peter's emotions. From one I felt hope that some how this could end well, and from the other I felt pure torment knowing that it would end badly. As I walked

further into the room I passed the female to Peter and started to dispose of the male in front of me. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing and the different emotions around me I failed to notice a change in the mood. I turned to look at Peter and I noticed he was crouched down in a defensive stance in front of the female.

"What do you think you are doing Peter?" At that moment I could read his emotions more clearly then ever before. What was once an unknown emotion I knew now was love. Peter truly loved this female and would even give his life to try and protect her."You know I do not want to harm you Peter, why are you doing this?" Still no response. So he was going to try and fight me to save her? I could feel from her fear. I could always hone in on emotions better in the heat of battle. "Peter, you know that you stand no chance to defeat me."

"I am aware of that but I would rather you destroy me then live an eternity without Charlotte." So that was her name. As he said her name I could feel the flutter of adoration for him fill the room. It was drunken. I couldn't think straight. The emotions they had for each other were overwhelming and for once I did not have the upper hand. Faster than I could even react I was on my back, with his teeth ready at my neck. How could this be I was bested by a three year old vampire? I had more than ten times as much experience fighting than he did and then he spoke.

"Jasper, listen to me. This is not all that this life has to offer. I know you can feel what Charlotte and I feel for each other. Do you not want that for yourself?"

"Peter, what makes you think that after all I have done and lived through I could feel that let alone deserve that?" The truth in my words hurt me to the core, but it was at that moment that I knew I could not destroy Peter or the female. "Peter, how am I to explain to Maria where you have gone? You are part of her coven now that she has allowed you to live past one year."

"Tell her the truth, that I couldn't do what was required of me so, as she had instructed you, you disposed of me when I was no longer useful." I had to admit it was a good idea. How could Peter in three years turn my half-life up side down and make the last several decades mean nothing?

"Peter, take her and leave never come back. Don't look back. Just leave and forget this ever happened." It was harder to say than I had imagined. I was sending away the only companion I had truly had. If only there was some way that I could leave with them. I longed to leave with them. I felt I no longer belonged here.


	2. Lost and Alone

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**A/N I do not own any of the chararacters used from twilight i only enjoy writinging and reading about them.**

I would like to also give thanks to my wonderful ladies without your help and support this story would have never existed.

A special thanks to MyHeroin and The_Lovely_Mrs_S for their betaing thank you so much gals you both mean so much to me

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And he left me, the only person I had ever trusted was no longer at my side. The pain I felt inside was without words to describe . Not only was I alone, I felt like I had been betrayed. I trained him, I raised him, I even fought our creator to keep him from being purged with the others. Now all I had left was emptiness. He filled my mind with thoughts of a better future and then left me with the reality that it would never come to pass. How will I explain to Maria that Peter was no longer one of us? Should I betray him to her so that she may seek revenge not only for herself but also for the betrayal of his upon me? No I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that_._ Peter and his now mate deserved a life together. He did not do this to hurt me, he did this to protect and save the one he "loved". It still left me in awe that a newborn vampire of only three years of age could feel something so profound as that. Is it possible that maybe one day I too shall feel that for someone? Surely not.

So I returned to my duties, for that is all that I had left in this existence. That was one thing I could always count on. Maria would bring me another grouping of newborns, I would train them to obey and fight then I would destroy them; it happened like clockwork. So in order to try and dull my own pain, I plunged into the assignment with all I had. But, it was shallow and lacked any type of real feeling of accomplishment. If I were to find someone that was exceptional it mattered not, for I knew I would have to destroy them. I found his task, which I had done for years before, utterly maddening. I became increasingly distant and critical of the newborns, and made sure that I never paid attention to a singular newborn again.

It was a day like any other, I was in the training room drilling and training newborns endlessly like always when I could feel that something in the room had changed. I first searched through the emotions of all the newborns before I felt a familiar feeling coming from somewhere and I searched frantically. _ Could this really be happening_? In the time I spent with Peter I honed my ability to read emotions because he gave me emotions I had not felt before to learn and interpret. The familiarity of this emotion made my mind race as I sifted through the emotions of the room until my eyes fell upon someone standing in the doorway.

"Maria, what a surprise to see you here! Normally you send for me or meet me as I go to my quarters but rarely do you visit in the training room. May I ask the reason for you visit?" It was at that moment that I could tell what her reasoning was; what her curiosity was for.

"Jasper what was happened to your dearest Peter?" she asked, not concerned but merely curious.

"Peter was failing in his duties and as you had requested, I disposed of him since he was no longer of value to us." The thought of me actually destroying Peter was ridiculous, and the fact that Maria actually believed me further solidified my view that she knew nothing, nor cared anything about me.

"You disposed of Peter and you didn't think to tell me about this turn of events?" What was once curiosity turned to mild rage in a moment and I knew that if I did not control this encounter it would definitely have dire consequences.

"I apologize for the over sight ma'am. I figured that since you had given me the order previously that if he was no longer beneficial that I was to dispose of him, that it would just be best to do as I was instructed. Again I apologize for the oversight." As I said those words I pushed as much calm as I could muster towards her, trying to affirm in her that what I said was true and to alleviate any doubt she might had.

"Jasper?" she paused, and I could feel her doubt starting to fade, "I'm sorry for interrupting your training, clearly I have nothing to worry about. How did I get so lucky to have someone as truthful and loyal to me as you have been?".

"It is I," I replied again infusing my words and flooding her with emotions that I had not truly even begun to understand yet," that is lucky to you have Ma'am."

"Oh Jasper, you flatter me," she said as she flitted out of the training room leaving behind of fog of emotions that I did not understand nor did I care to.

It was on that day that the way I thought, felt, and dealt with everything in my life changed. I would shut out anything from the outside that would try to sway me. Good, bad, or neutral, I would never again go through that, nor give Maria doubt enough to question my value to her. With that in mind, I pushed the newborns harder and longer than ever before. Some, I noticed, would thrive under this new way of training while others would start to fail. I did not have patience with the failures nor did I give praise to those that thrived. They all would be treated the same. This worked for me; I did not grow fond of another newborn, for to me, they had just become nameless pawns in Maria's conquest.

This new path suited me well for some time. With the added defense, fewer emotions affected me when it came time for purging. At first I thought this was something of a blessing. I soon realized it was a curse in disguise. True, I felt less pain, which was a positive thing, but I never felt anything to relieve the little pain that I did feel. I had not actually found a way to repel the pain, I had just discovered a way of destroying myself slower, and when this dawned on me I went into a downward-spiral to somewhere I never thought that I could return from.

A length of time has passed. How much? To be honest I didn't know and didn't care. Time meant nothing when you had nothing to look forward to. It seemed to me that the newborns had become more and more pathetic. It seemed as though they not only lacked the will to fight but also the ability.

"You," I said pointing at one of the many newborns this time around, "stand before me. Tell me, why is it that you were brought here?" He flooded the space with fear and anxiety.

"To fight against Maria's enemies," he said, stuttering, his terror increasing as he realized that he had broken one of the cardinal rules.

"What did you call her?" I nearly screamed at him pushing as much anger as I could muster towards him and he fell to the ground, quivering.

"Our Mistress." he said trembling on the floor with fear.

"That is not what you said." I was standing right next to him as he lie on the floor, paralyzed with fear as to what I would do to him. He was right to fear me. "First you called our mistress by her given name, which is not something that someone as lowly as a filthy newborn has the right to do. You then lie about it in front of my face." I was so enraged by the inadequacy of the recruits that I felt I must make this one an example to the rest. The rage flowed through me at this moment was even scary to myself. "STAND!" I yelled leaning over top of the newborn. As he stood in front of me quivering, I stepped up to him and then yelled to the rest. "We are never to call our mistress by her name for any reason! You have not earned the right to call her that. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"YES SIR," resounded from the leftover newborns. I could feel from most a genuine fear of what was about to come and in others, a morbid anticipation.

"As for you," I pointed at the newborn in front of me. "I must make an example out of you so that it shall never happen again." As I approached him, I heard him try to say something, but it mattered not, for I was going to destroy this newborn for his insolence.

I lunged at him and he didn't even have a chance to react. My teeth pierced into his throat which stopped him from making any further attempts at communication. And then something happened that I did not expect; the newborns blood entered my mouth and I couldn't stop. It was like a feeding frenzy, but more. The blood was not just that of the newborns, but also a mingling of all the other blood they had fed on. I did not stop until he was completely drained and laid motionless on the ground. I could feel several emotions: fear, intrigue, and the one that confused me most, pity. I searched for the source of it yet I was unable to locate it, still in fog from the feeding. I picked up the motionless and broken body of the newborn and started towards the furnace room. As I ripped apart the body and placed the pieces in the furnace I again felt pity. I again searched for the source but it started to slowly drift away and I was left confused and defeated.

I returned to the training room after I disposed of the newborn. The others knew better than to question or second guess me so they were sparring as I had instructed them to do if I were to ever leave without giving them instructions. I finished out the training for the day and took a portion of the newborns on a hunting trip. We usually didn't stray too far from the safety of our domicile. Luckily, not far from Maria's estate there was a city with an abundance of vagabonds. They were the perfect prey for us; no one ever notices a lost homeless person. Feeding on this night was not fulfilling yet, I knew if I did not bring the newborns out often their strength would deteriorate more rapidly and fighting would occur. After each had a chance to feed to their liking, we headed back and I dismissed the newborns for the night and made my way towards my quarters.

As I approached my room I could tell that I would have to speak with Maria. No one else dared enter my quarters. As I neared the door I did all I could to try and calm myself so that my mood and the events of the evening would remain unknown to her. As I opened the door I knew my efforts were wasted because I could feel displeasure and an odd form of concern wafting off of her.

"Good evening Jasper, please do come in," Maria chimed in that bell voice of hers.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this evening?" I asked and I immediately grimaced because even I could tell how fake my voice sounded. Yet I continued to push feelings of comfort towards her, hoping to make a difference.

"Jasper, do you really think I am that unaware of what goes on with my own coven?" To be honest, I had never really known if she noticed or even cared what happened in her coven as long as her goals were met.

"Please forgive me Maria, I meant no offense." Was I losing my mind? First I fed on and destroyed a newborn now I was being questioned by Maria. What next? "I was only trying to address the fact that you were in my quarters waiting for me to return." I was struggling to stay calm and was having a hard time reading what emotions Maria had at this moment so I had to focus harder.

"Jasper, I am aware that you not only destroyed one of my newborns today but you also fed on him. Do you have any explanation for why this occurred?" I was caught off guard by the amount of information she knew about my training session today with the newborns. I had always assumed that I was just to do my work alone and as long as it was done satisfactorily, I would be left that way; alone.

"Maria, the newborn today was not fit to continue as one of your coven." As I finished this statement Maria's mood went sour.

"And what makes you think that you are the one to make the decision as to who continues and who ceases to serve me?" The rage that was pouring off of her was hard for me to divert. "I expect you to do what you are told to do not what you think is best." Her rant continuedJasper, I can see that I have been far too lenient on you. Do you need to me tighten the reins?" So, she was going to punish me? I guess I deserved it for what I had done.

"Maria, I am sorry that I have failed you in such a way. If you can find it in yourself to grant me pardon just this once I assure you it won't happen again." I was practically pleading. Maria was all that I had left, I was desperate not to lose her too. As I plead I filled the room with as much sorrow as I could muster, so much so that the pure effort of it made my eyes close, as if crying. This is what broke Maria's wall down. She did not enjoy having to chastise me and at that moment I understood.

"Jasper," she paused and her emotions made such a drastic change it left my head spinning, "you have been better to me than I could have ever wished." The praise she was giving me was unexpected and very alien to me.

"Th-thank you," I stuttered out the words, so caught off guard that I let my own guard down and I felt the emotions coming from her at that moment. "Maria?" I paused, knowing that she wanted something else of me but not sure what. "Was there something else you needed of me?" I waited, allowing her a moment to think and still the emotions kept coming.

"Your welcome, dearest, and no at this time I am pleased with the way you have answered my question." It seemed like she was starting to get a hold of her emotions. Yet, I was curious so I decided to try and push just a little bit.

"Maria, are you sure there is nothing more I can do to be of assistance?" I asked her, pushing towards her emotions of longing. "Because I get the feeling that there is something else you have need from me." I thought I had pushed far enough for tonight because as I finished I felt what she had been feeling before shift again to moderate annoyance.

"Jasper, if there is anything else I need from you; you will be the first to know." She ended the conversation with no note that she wanted to continue. I stood up and walked to my door and opened it as I should and she passed through my doorway.

As she left I began wondering why Maria had started taking such a keen interest in me. I knew that she was fond of me, but something was different and I didn't know if it was good or bad.

My existence had become nearly intolerable. Without Peter (it hurt to even think his name)by my side to moderate the feelings around me I found it harder then ever to continue. Emotions would seep into me making my shoulders feel heavy. I found it hard to even perform my daily tasks, something I had done for decades with little or no effort.

The one thing that I felt I truly excelled at in this existence was no longer even a pleasure. When I first came to this life training newborns was something I did with pride and vigor. It felt right, like something I was meant to do. But now it was only a burden, something I did because I knew I had to. Each day became longer, time seemed to mock me. I once thought time irrelevant in this existence and now it became a constant reminder that I will forever be what I am now, lonely, miserable, tormented.

I had lost any motivation to improve. All I could do now was keep moving in the same direction I always had. Something must change; something must give to allow me solace from this nightmare. So, I continued in my daily duties empty and broken not caring what had happened that day, just knowing that one day was over and another one was coming up. And through it all during different parts of the day I would feel that same nagging pity. _Was I feeling something I felt for myself or was there someone unseen and unknown to me secretly pitying me for my existence?_

Today was a day like any other, I had just finished with the daily training of newborns and I was headed back to my quarters. I walked down the long softly lit corridor and before I saw anything I felt it. There was someone ahead of me that was longing for something. As I drew nearer her outline started to become more recognizable. It was Maria and she was in her nightdress. I was raised in a fashion that a man was not to look upon a lady in her nightdress unless they were wed, and so out of habit I diverted my eyes towards the ground, and continued forward before she spoke.

"Good evening Jasper." Her voice usually sounded like a high bell,soft and melodic. I was frozen in my place. I was unsure of how to proceed. I could hear her start to walk towards me and if I had a heartbeat, its pace would have doubled. In front me on the ground I could see her pale bare feet. Her skin was luminous in the dark hallways, almost glowing in its beauty. I had never taken the time to truly look at Maria, all I knew was that I served her. The emotions that she releasing were so intoxicating, it made it difficult to complete a full thought. I then felt her hand upon my chest and all that was going through my head ceased. Is this possible could she feel for me and me for her what Peter and Charlotte felt for each other?

Without a thought, I brought my hand up and placed it upon hers and the way her skin felt was divine. I had felt vampire skin before but it was always scared from battle. As I touched her, I could smell a change that occurred with Maria but was uncertain as to what exactly the change was. The emotions that spilled off of her in that moment were too much to handle. I slowly started to bring my gaze upwards. Her legs were bare up to her mid thigh, the muscles finely sculpted beneath her snow porcelain skin. My eyes continued upwards taking in the sight of her body under the fabric draped against her skin. I brought my eyes up to meet hers and for the first time I truly looked into them. Though they were dark crimson in color the contrast against her pale skin was exquisite.

"Jasper," she started, looking at my hand on hers, "would you please accompany me to my quarters?" I did not know how to respond so I merely nodded. She led me down the hallway, my hand in hers, past my door and to hers. I had only been here once before and that time was not under these types of circumstances. As we came to her doorway I began to realize what she had in mind. My body began to react without guidance from me. I felt my pants become tighter almost to the point of being uncomfortable and hoped that she didn't notice. As she opened the door and entered I stopped.

"Maria?" I said, trying to put into words the confusion I felt inside, but I had no chance to continue.

"Jasper, please, make yourself comfortable," she said motioning towards her bed. I scanned the room quickly looking for a place to sit that was appropriate but I was at a loss. I was so engulfed in my own thoughts that I had not registered that Maria had walk around behind me and she pressed her body against the length of mine, leaning up on her toes to press her lips to the back of my neck. "Relax, there is nothing to be apprehensive about." As she kissed me our emotions mingled and for a moment they seemed to align. I walked into the room and sat rigidly on the edge of her bed. She walked over to her dresser and picked up a length of ribbon and tied her hair up revealing the mark that had brought her to this world and in a strange way, it was intensely erotic. This was the first time I had ever seen it and the things it did to my body were unexpected.

She walked towards me swaying her hips from side to side. _Is this the way she always moves? _ I felt my body start to tense with anticipation. I could feel emotions coming of her like nothing I have ever felt from her in the past. As she walked closer the straps of her nightdress fell slightly off the tops of her shoulders. My breath hitched in my chest it felt like a weight had been placed above my lungs.

"Jasper, I love the way you are always so serious and lost in thought throughout the day," she crooned in that soft melodic voice again. "The way your body moves during training, every outline of every muscle makes me long for your touch." She walked over to the front of me and placed first one knee and then the other on each side of my legs and then pressed her lips to mine. In that moment I had no control of my emotions the combination of loss, longing, and loneliness spilled out of me and hit Maria. I knew she felt it yet she did not stop. In return, I felt her release longing and lust towards me, feelings I never knew she had for me. She ran her hands down over my chest down to the waist of my pants pulling at the fabric of my shirt un-tucking it from my pants and started to unbutton them.

"I have watched you serve me diligently for decades, now I wish to return the favor." As she finished she pulled the shirt off of my shoulders and down my arms letting it fall to the bed before she moved it to the ground. She ran her hand along my exposed skin eying the marks the newborns had left upon my skin. I reflexively tried to grab my shirt but she stilled my hand. "Don't," was all she said and the emotions she released were more explanation than words could ever have. Respect, adoration, and gratitude were the ones I felt strongest. I let my arms fall to my sides allowing her emotions to flood me and replace anything I had before.

I reached up and softly touched the skin of her face. She reacted to my touch and I felt another rush of emotions. The way she looked at me left me in awe. As she finished tracing the planes of my muscles she leaned and placed her mouth near my ear.

"Lie back on the bed and scoot to the middle." Without hesitation, I did as she asked. Her bed was large and very soft. It was a shame it will never be used as it was intended.

She crawled across the bed and knelt between my legs spreading them softly. She brought her hands up my legs trailing her fingertips along my skin and it brought me intense pleasure. Again my pants seemed too tight, uncomfortably so. She brought her hands across my thighs and up to where my erection was creating a lump against my pants. She rubbed against it softly and I arched my back at the pleasure. As she registered my response I could again smell that soft, damp, sweet smell coming from her and it was at this moment I realized what that was. The thought of my excitement brought her to arousal as well.

As she sat up,my body tensed in protest at the loss of her hands on me. As I looked up I saw the reason for her hands leaving me and the protest was instantly dropped. She had grabbed a hold of the bottom her nightdress and was starting to lift it up off of her body. Underneath was an elegantly sewn pair of black lace panties with red stitching, and red lace bra with black stitching. The inverted colors had an amazing effect against her skin. After pulling off the gown she then lowered her body on top of mine. The feeling of her skin against my bare chest had me needing more. I thought for a moment, and then decided if there was a time to be bold and try it was now. I brought my hands up behind her and traced my fingers up from the top of her panties to the clasp of her bra. With surprising ease I unclasped the catch and she leaned up slightly as I slid the straps down off of her arms throwing the bra to the pile of clothes on the side of the bed.

What had been moving so slowly changed in the blink of an eye. As the sight of her breasts , my emotions flooded her with lust and the combination of the two of us that hungry made short work of our clothes. She then sat over me on the bed hovering just fractions of an inch above my erection. I could smell the scent of her arousal and that, combined with her lust in my head, was intoxicating. She then began to slowly lower herself onto me. The feel of her opening around my erection was mind blowing. She continued the slow decent until finally our bodies met at we both let out a deep sigh.

"Maria," I sighed, barely able to make a word.

"Jasper," she returned in a similar fashion.

She then began to slowly move up and down, her hands resting on my chest for stability, my arms holding hers above my chest. She began to slowly increase the tempo of her movements. Without much thought I began to meet her each time she came down with a thrust of my own, increasing the depth and friction we both felt. I raised my hand up from her arm and began to rub softly against the flesh of her nipples and they reacted by becoming more erect. As I rubbed her hard circles she let out a gasp.

"Oh, God Jasper, don't stop." To hear her talk to me like that was amazing and it opened a part of my body that I had thought lost for decades. As she spoke, another wave of emotions washed over me nearly stripping me of any control that I had. I began to grab her breast harder, thrusting my hips off the bed to meet her with more vigor, and she reacted favorably to the change.

"Maria your sex around me, your scent invading me, your emotions washing over me," was all I could say and hoped she understood what I meant. She brought one hand down hard on my chest and scratched roughly against my skin it opened gashes that merely healed seconds later. But the feeling it left behind was more than I could handle. "Maria I need release," I begged.

"Jasper, not yet, you must control yourself." What she was asking was impossible. I could train thousands of newborns no problem but to have to fight against this urge I felt was impossible. I brought my free hand up and snaked it between our moving bodies and just above where we connected I started to rub soft quick circles on her sensitive skin.

"OOOOHHHHHH!" she screamed as my fingers rubbed rapidly against the sensitive skin. I could feel her body start to shake and quench around me and I knew she too was reaching her limit. I began to thrust deeper still into her, continuing my movements on her skin. I knew it was close because I was overcome with emotions of lust. The fog of it all nearly blinded me, the only thing that brought me out of it was a moment of sharp pain on my chest and as I opened my eyes I could see Maria's teeth in my flesh and I felt her sex squeeze around me as she climaxed. I had no hope of repelling my own and so instead I embraced it. With every twitch of her sex I pressed into her. With every breath that left her mouth I met it with one of my own. We continued like this without knowledge or worry of the amount of time that passed.

As we both came down she slumped to the bed next to me and I looked at her. The look she had before had vanished. I searched the emotions around us for what had drawn me to her; they also were no were to be found. I had let myself hope that this was something more, something better and now all I have learned is that mere lustful sex is no replacement for love. And in that moment, as I thought it, I finally realized why Peter did what he did. Why he challenged me, knowing that there was a good chance was he would not survive. He loved Charlotte and would rather die than be without her. This realization left me lower than ever before. As I lay in her bed I let my mind wander and again I felt a pity creep in from some unknown source.

The release that I had found in Maria's company was shallow and short lived. However, the hole it left inside me was vast and everlasting. I thought that I might have found in Mariawhat Peter had found in Charlotte but, I was sadly mistaken. I now knew that I could not continue in this life without major changes occurring. I let my mind wonder towards possible paths my life could take. I returned to my daily duties in the days to follow, broken yet again and scarred in a way more severe than the ones that litter my body.

A length of time had passed since my time spent in Maria's quarters that night. How much is not known, for I no longer count days. I would train the newborns that were brought to me and destroy them when I was told. That was it, that was my life. The same endless cycle; train, kill, train, kill, and it would continue for as long as I existed. Or so I thought

One day while I was training the newborns I felt an emotion come over me that left me stunned. Could this be? Could this really be happening? I searched the room for something I was not quite sure yet, but I knew I would know when I found it. I stretched my gift farther than I had ever before. For once, I tried with my mind to visualize the emotion I was feeling was connecting me to the person that was feeling it. I tried to see the string in my mind's eye and use that string as a guild to the source. As I focused with my mind following the imaginary string I created my eyes fell upon a familiar face.

"Peter?" I asked, not allowing myself to get excited; for I have seen a lot of newborns and it was bound to happen that one would look like him or remind me of him.

"Yes Jasper," he said, that familiar calm issuing from him sweeping over me. Thankful at once for his affect on me so that I could regain my composure as to not draw unneeded attention to our reunion.

"Peter, what are you doing here?" I asked, struggling to control myself.

"Jasper this is not the first time I have come back." And with that statement, I understood why I had felt pity so many times in my past. It was Peter and he had come back to try and convince me to leave.

"That was you?" I asked not allowing him time to finish. "That was you that felt pity for me so many times in the past? Why is it now that you have decided to come forward?" He let out a soft chuckle. He always did have an uncanny way of being able to defuse a touchy subject.

"Jasper, I came back before to try to convince you to steal away with Charlotte and me." So he had stayed with her. It was possible for our kind to find companionship. "But every time I felt it too risky to try. I could not risk leaving Charlotte to fend for herself if I could not return. But this time," he paused and that pity that had become so familiar to me flooded me once again, "I had to try. I see that this life with Maria is not something you can continue. I owe you my life, my love, my everything." So, I was right, he had felt love for the one called Charlotte. "Come away with me and leave this place. It doesn't have to be like this. It has been five years since we left and Charlotte and I have not come close to destroying each other. In fact, it's quite easy to coexist outside of the constant turmoil of raising newborns." Was it possible that he was telling the truth? Could I live peacefully alongside another vampire? I already knew the answer, for I had done it for decades with Maria. The circumstances were different but I knew that deep inside myself that I needed to leave.

"Peter the amount of personal risk you have taken to come to me like this has proven to me that this life is not the only one out there." I finished, and my mind was set. I was to leave Maria's this moment and never look back.


End file.
